It's the time of year when most are thinking of ways to thank their mother for all the special things she does. This year I have finally been given the opportunity to be a mother. Yes, it's true. We are expecting our first child. It's early yet and as many women before me I am a ball of nerves. Anyone who says there are no more miracles have never been priviledged to have a baby. It truly is a modern miracle. The creation of life so intricate and special through no special skills of your own is humbling. I am, as my mother says, just a vessel. I hope to carry this little life inside me for the next 8 months. I have had an unsuccessful pregnancy before so everything is new and frightening. I analyze every detail looking for confirmation that all will be fine. Am I experiencing enough symptoms? Are my vitamins doing their job? When can I see the first ultrasound? How soon can I see the heartbeat?
The internet is an amazing friend and a torturous enemy. There are thousands of sites telling me all the things I want to know and thousands more giving me more questions and sad stories. I know in my heart that everything is going as planned. This pregnancy is so much more than the one I lost. For my husband he is in protection mode. He has been in a bit of denial. He believes if he doesn't get excited he can't be disappointed. For me that is not an option. This is my everyday. My whole world. Denial doesn't diminish potential heartache. He has shifted into prep mode now. If he isn't at work he's working on something at home. Everything must be perfect and we are quickly running out of time.
Already he has replaced outlets and switches with baby safe ones and he has painted the downstairs bathroom which will be the baby's bath. He is in the planning stages for the kitchen remodel and of course the nursery. I assure him babies don't need much right away and I am quite sure it won't need a chef's kitchen in the first few months. Regardless, he has his project list in hand and I am powerless to change his mind.
All my friends are so very happy. I have a waiting list of potential babysitters and nannies. All the support makes this much easier as I am always exhausted and nauseous. I have been planning the nursery concept in a very generic, non gender specific way. I love all things traditional and vintage. My father is a firm believer in new, new, new. I agree to a certain degree but some things are better worn. I am doing a bit of free style in the nursery. Currently it is the guest bedroom. It's where I house my extensive wardrobe and etsy shop items. I have a fabulous amoire that will become the baby's closet. I also have some heirloom furniture that will do double duty. The tea cart that is now a bedside table will be next to the rocking chair for late night feedings and storage. The small dresser will become a changing table and house more baby clothes and other things. I will keep the closet for myself for now. The antique bed will be stored for later use when the baby is nolonger in need of a crib. My husband is requesting a chandelier be added to the design. We shall see. I think I will keep the look styled by color palate not a specific theme. I love bed linens and I plan on having more than one set for the baby's room. I want to change it up as much as needed without having to redo a room. I am also leaning toward a jenny lind crib. It's a classic and I like the idea of having it painted a color other than white. Yellow, green or soft robin's egg blue are at the top of the list.
I have my first doctor's appointment next week. I am nervous and excited. I want to hear how everything is going. I don't know when I will get my first scan to see the baby. That is the start point for me. Everything is on hold until I get that green light. I don't know how people can keep this kind of thing to themselves for 12 weeks. I am bursting with nerves and excitement. I couldn't do it without my Mom's help. She keeps me calm and distracted when needed. She reminds me it's a gift to be enjoyed from start to finish. She bakes me turkey when I'm craving that thanksgiving style dinner. She dries my tears and holds my hand. Even after all these year and now becoming a mother myself I still need my Mom. She's still there for me. Supporting me. Encouraging me. Mothering me. People will come and go in your life but a mother is your mother forever. Even if she's not around she's always that voice in your head. Don't forget your mother.
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