What time is it.

4:38.  The clock reads 4:38.  Another sleepless night.  I am prone to severe lower back pain during times of stress or even just prolonged use of certain muscles.  Have you even tried to go any distance in Thanksgiving holiday traffic?  Our ride home was long and nerve wracking.  I drove from southern Georgia all the way home to central Florida.  It doesn't seem like much until you are driving in the dark, thru unfamiliar surroundings, white knuckling it thru metropolitan areas under major road construction filled to the brim with other agitated and reckless drivers during the most dangerous kind of drizzling rain.  Now sit like that for 4 hours or better.  Now, just when you think you have it under wraps a little voice from the backseat says " Hey guys, you smell that?  What does that smell like?"  Suddenly it hits you.  A stinky diaper has now joined the party.  Yes, that is stress.  I made it home but as soon as I was headed to my bed, pop!  I have been nearly immobilized for a week now.  Muscle rubs, medicine, stretching, pressure points, basically anything that causes pain to better my situation I have endured.  I was doing ok but I rushed the recovery. I was desperate to get things accomplished.  And for that I paid a steep price.  I have been miserable in any position.  My almost three year old wants mommy to carry and hold her.  I can't hardly function.  Not to get too graphic but even your own bum can seem miles away when you have limited range in motion.  

5:15.  Here I sit, laughing at myself smelling like some of my favorite old people full of icy hot and Advil. When did I get to be so old?  When could I not sleep in late?  How has an ice pack and a heating pad become my closest companions?  It hits me.  5:17 and I am having an epiphany.  My new year will be one of putting mommy first.  I can't do the things I want or need to do for my loved ones if I am suffering from lack of care.  If I did my exercise, took my vitamins and supplements regularly, gave myself permission to be important perhaps I would not be doing this at 5:19.  This new year I will no longer have a baby or a toddler.  I will have a little girl.  Wow. That was fast.  Now there is no reason why I can't do what must be done for myself.  She has been the best little helper and support this week.  She wants to do everything I do.  Why am I teaching her to sacrifice herself?  It's a one time gift.  But if I have her join me when I work and when I recharge she can see there must be a balance.  A light cannot burn for those around it without first being plugged in and receiving power for itself.  Without it the light grows dark and burns out and is nolonger useful.

If these seem like ramblings of a crazy woman, remember it's 5:25 and I am still awake.  I believe my Advil has begun to work as I can now finally sit in one position longer than 30 seconds.  I am also pretty sure my muscle rub patch it working because I am tingly and stink to high heaven.  My back has been improving, but this week has forced me to slow down and prioritize.  A gift really.  Vacation should be peaceful and restful.  Yeah, right.  We had a blast running all over Atlanta doing things with our little family but home is good too.  So, I leave you with the little song my girl has shared with me this week taught to her by a little cartoon tiger named Daniel.... "When your sick, rest is best. Rest is best".